Being a whiny Bitch.
I’ve been unnecessarily moody in the last few days. I know it’s because I’m frustrated that between school and work I don’t get enough time to de-stress. I always get all touchy and irritable during the school year, but I really hate it because it starts fights between Valeri and me. We don’t need that. It’s not happy, and I know it hurts her. I wish I could stop it, but comparatively I don’t even have that much homework this week, but I’m still stressed out of my mind. Sleeping is hard, and I either don’t eat or over-eat every day. Anyway, I thought I would take this time to be a whiny bitch.
P.S. I hate pasts.
Workin’ Hard at School
January 14, 2008 
I’ve had to do some hard work here at school, and today was only my first day. I haven’t had to do any school work, but working to be able to attend school has proved to be overly annoying. I got out of class, ran downstairs to get in line to check on my financial aid status, and then…did just that, checked on my financial aid status. As it turns out, my tax return was sitting in a corner collecting dust. But the dude I talked to said I should have $2,000 dollars in a couple of days.
Then I ran upstairs to get in the 3-mile line for books. I had half of them, but I need the other half for a reading due Wednesday. So I sat through there, but then got called to the front of the line because I’m pretty, or something like that. Just kidding. It’s because everyone else was paying via the financial aid office, and I was paying with a credit card (over the phone).
Then I realized that I was missing my jacket, so I had to interrupt some class in the classroom I was just in to get it back. The whole hurrah took much less time than I expected it to, but it was a lot of running around. And on a completely different note, that’s the second large, black woman I’ve seen in two days who had boobs bigger than her head.
Missing A Christmas Gift
December 25, 2007 
I’m dressed, now, in a suit and tie, some snazzy shoes. I’m about to go sing in front of some people who are sick of hearing a stupid recycled cantata of carols and christmas songs every year. Then I have to sit through mass and hear the same christmas story read out of the same book with the same monotone voice. I wonder if there will be any weird twists or a surprise ending this year. My money is on no.
After mass, I’ll do one of my favorite christmas traditions. (Note: this paragraph does not contain sarcasm.) I get to build the fire in the fireplace to be lit in the morning. And I’ll put the coffee in the coffee maker to start brewing in the morning. Then I’ll watch ESPN or South Park and go to sleep. I’ll awake in the morning and start the fire. I’m a bit of a pyro. Love fire. Anyway…then I’ll put on some christmas music and sit in the recliner in the living room with none but the light of the tree. It’s probably the most peaceful part of my year. I love it.
I will, however, know that there is something missing, for there will be presents left under the tree once we are through opening. Valeri will not be there to tear into her gifts as we others will be. She will not be there to share the joy that comes with each new smile, every time a new gift is opened.
I will still enjoy the morning…and the gifts, but I miss her. Hopefully she will be able to come down to Richmond with me on the 28th. She’s supposed to have talked with her mom today about it. But she should be here with me.
This sucks.
Solitary Confinement
In the coming month, I have very much to look forward to. By that, I mean I can look forward and see lots of things that are supposed to happen. There are, however, very few things that I really want to happen. I still have to do some Christmas shopping (I don’t think I have a single thing for either of my parents or my youngest sister. Nor have I finished with Valeri.), I have to sing Christmas Eve at my church (I say “my church” loosely. I don’t attend a church, and if I did, I wouldn’t attend this one. First of all it’s at home and I’m at school. Secondly, it’s boring as hell. But I have to sing in the Christmas choir because my father is the director, so his wife and three kids all are in it.), I have to drive up to Michigan and endure 6 hours of conversation with my extended family whom I barely even know while they stuff their faces and take all the mashed potatoes before I can get any, and worst of all I have to be until the end of the first week of January (or thereabouts) before I can see Valeri again.
There are a couple upsides. I know I’m getting some cool shit for Christmas. I get to go skiing on the 30th. But there again, it’s disappointing because the original plans for skiing included Valeri, so…
Minority?
I feel so naive about life troubles. I haven’t had to deal with much death in my life. Only my great grandmothers have died while I’ve been alive. Them and my dog. I’ve never been hit or abused. I’ve never been without food or heat. I’ve never really had any struggles in my life. The only things I’ve had to overcome have been my own mental problems. I always feel pathetic next to people who have actually been through shit and gotten through it. Granted, my recent marriage/divorce hasn’t been a walk on the beach with a full moon. But it’s still nothing when compared.
Living Troubles
My roommate is starting to drive me crazy. Allow me to elaborate.
At the beginning of this year, I was living many different places; I was crashing on peoples couches and futons and sometimes sleeping in my car. This all ended when I met up with this girl who I knew back in middle school. She was living with another girl in a house, and they had an extra bed in the attic that she offered me. This was a godsend. I didn’t have to keep all my clothes in my car anymore. So I’ve been living there for a while. I thought I would be fine. The one I knew is engaged, and the other one is in a pretty serious relationship of several years. I didn’t think there would be much drama. As it turns out, both of them have fallen for me. Normally this wouldn’t be such a big problem, because I’ve dealt with this sort of this before, but the one I used to know has become very hostile and possessive.
This hasn’t been helped by the fact that Val and I have recently gotten together. I have been on the phone with her a lot, because she’s so far away, and this has caused Tarah to feel “abandoned” and shit like that. I haven’t yet told them I’m not going to be around next semester. I figure they’ll figure it out, and I don’t want more resistence.
But she randomly starts crying when I’m in the room with her, and then she’ll ask me why I leave when she enters a room. As I said, my roommate is starting to drive me crazy. And not the good kind. That’s Valeri’s job.
Is it Friday yet?
November 6, 2007
Filed under quandaries, quirks
Tags: ex, royal treatment, weekend plans
Last weekend’s plans fell through, but I think this weekend the plans are going to be upheld. So here are the plans as of now:
My car is still stuck in Bloomington. That’s 3 hours south of me. So if it is fixed by Friday, Val is going to drive it up to me. Then we’re going to drive back to my hometown to switch cars, because the car she will be driving back to me will still be down one wheel. After that, we’re going over to Manchester to hang out with her family. Sunday is her brother’s birthday, so we’ll be having a little party. After that, Val wants another ear piercing, and I think I’m going to get one, too. Any suggestions on what to have as my first earring?
I can’t wait to see her again.
In recent events, Val’s ex-boyfriend called her last night in a bit of a state. He happens to be one of my friends, but he’s pissed off that I’m dating his ex. Plus he says he thinks he’s still in love with her. I think it’s bull shit. I think he just wants her back now that he can’t have her. He didn’t treat her right. It’s her turn for the royal treatment.
Time for the quandary part.
A simple post:
I don’t know, yet, what she wants, and I don’t know exactly how to tell her what I want.
UPDATE!: now i do.
