Being a whiny Bitch.
February 4, 2008 
I’ve been unnecessarily moody in the last few days. I know it’s because I’m frustrated that between school and work I don’t get enough time to de-stress. I always get all touchy and irritable during the school year, but I really hate it because it starts fights between Valeri and me. We don’t need that. It’s not happy, and I know it hurts her. I wish I could stop it, but comparatively I don’t even have that much homework this week, but I’m still stressed out of my mind. Sleeping is hard, and I either don’t eat or over-eat every day. Anyway, I thought I would take this time to be a whiny bitch.
P.S. I hate pasts.
I found this interesting.
January 16, 2008 
A three year old is shown a doll holding a marble. The child watches as the doll puts the marble into a small basket and then covers it with a blanket. Then the doll leaves. While that doll is gone, another doll comes, steals the marble, and hides it in a box near the aforementioned basket. When the original doll returns, the child is asked where it will look for the marble. Nearly all three-year-olds will say that the doll will look in the BOX first when trying to find the marble. This is evidence that a three-year-old does not have the ability to see a situation from another’s eyes.
The same test is given to a five-year-old. Nearly all five-year-olds will say that the doll will look in the basket first, evidence that, by that age, a human can see something from someone else’s eyes.
An adult chimpanzee is given the same test. No adult chimpanzee has ever been able to pass this test or any other similar test that measures one’s ability for such abstract thought. A human’s frontal lobes, the lobes of the brain responsible for abstract and deep thought, are much more developed those of chimpanzees.
I saw this test on a video I watched in my World Civilizations class. I just found it very interesting. By the way, where the hell does the Homo neandertalensis come into play in the evolutionary pattern? I was taught to me that, from our early primate ancestor, first evolved Australopithecus. Then came Homo erectus (he he you said Homo erectus) and then Homo sapiens. Well there is evidence that Homo sapiens interacted with neandertals (Homo neadertalensis) so where the hell did they evolve from and when did they die out?
Workin’ Hard at School
January 14, 2008 
I’ve had to do some hard work here at school, and today was only my first day. I haven’t had to do any school work, but working to be able to attend school has proved to be overly annoying. I got out of class, ran downstairs to get in line to check on my financial aid status, and then…did just that, checked on my financial aid status. As it turns out, my tax return was sitting in a corner collecting dust. But the dude I talked to said I should have $2,000 dollars in a couple of days.
Then I ran upstairs to get in the 3-mile line for books. I had half of them, but I need the other half for a reading due Wednesday. So I sat through there, but then got called to the front of the line because I’m pretty, or something like that. Just kidding. It’s because everyone else was paying via the financial aid office, and I was paying with a credit card (over the phone).
Then I realized that I was missing my jacket, so I had to interrupt some class in the classroom I was just in to get it back. The whole hurrah took much less time than I expected it to, but it was a lot of running around. And on a completely different note, that’s the second large, black woman I’ve seen in two days who had boobs bigger than her head.
Missing A Christmas Gift
I’m dressed, now, in a suit and tie, some snazzy shoes. I’m about to go sing in front of some people who are sick of hearing a stupid recycled cantata of carols and christmas songs every year. Then I have to sit through mass and hear the same christmas story read out of the same book with the same monotone voice. I wonder if there will be any weird twists or a surprise ending this year. My money is on no.
After mass, I’ll do one of my favorite christmas traditions. (Note: this paragraph does not contain sarcasm.) I get to build the fire in the fireplace to be lit in the morning. And I’ll put the coffee in the coffee maker to start brewing in the morning. Then I’ll watch ESPN or South Park and go to sleep. I’ll awake in the morning and start the fire. I’m a bit of a pyro. Love fire. Anyway…then I’ll put on some christmas music and sit in the recliner in the living room with none but the light of the tree. It’s probably the most peaceful part of my year. I love it.
I will, however, know that there is something missing, for there will be presents left under the tree once we are through opening. Valeri will not be there to tear into her gifts as we others will be. She will not be there to share the joy that comes with each new smile, every time a new gift is opened.
I will still enjoy the morning…and the gifts, but I miss her. Hopefully she will be able to come down to Richmond with me on the 28th. She’s supposed to have talked with her mom today about it. But she should be here with me.
This sucks.
Solitary Confinement
In the coming month, I have very much to look forward to. By that, I mean I can look forward and see lots of things that are supposed to happen. There are, however, very few things that I really want to happen. I still have to do some Christmas shopping (I don’t think I have a single thing for either of my parents or my youngest sister. Nor have I finished with Valeri.), I have to sing Christmas Eve at my church (I say “my church” loosely. I don’t attend a church, and if I did, I wouldn’t attend this one. First of all it’s at home and I’m at school. Secondly, it’s boring as hell. But I have to sing in the Christmas choir because my father is the director, so his wife and three kids all are in it.), I have to drive up to Michigan and endure 6 hours of conversation with my extended family whom I barely even know while they stuff their faces and take all the mashed potatoes before I can get any, and worst of all I have to be until the end of the first week of January (or thereabouts) before I can see Valeri again.
There are a couple upsides. I know I’m getting some cool shit for Christmas. I get to go skiing on the 30th. But there again, it’s disappointing because the original plans for skiing included Valeri, so…
It’s the Final Countdown
That’s right. It’s not only a song by Europe. I’ve got several countdowns going right now. Firstly and most importantly, I’ve got:
3 days until I get to see Valeri again.
Then I’ve got several others:
3 days until I get out of this hell-hole and never have to return.
14 days until a Christmas gift.
15 days till the rest.
19 days until family feast.
Yep. I’ve got a lot to look forward to here in the next month. I’m changing schools (as was referenced above in my escaping this hell-hole). I won’t be at the school I want until fall, but at least I’ll be in the town that I want. I’ve got tons of friends where I’m going, and some of my family lives there as well. I think I’ll finally be able to turn it around there.
I’ve found that I have great interest in becoming competent in far too many things, enough things that I couldn’t possibly work on them all even if I used all of my time. But I’m going to work on one thing at a time. The only problem with this is that it makes me order them in terms of importance to me. That’s kind of annoying because of how indecisive I am.
Nobody reads this. ‘Cept maybe three?
The Love of Lists
Things that rocked about Thanksgiving Break:
1) I was with Valeri for over a week.
2) I got to see some of my friends that I don’t see enough.
3) I exploded on multiple occasions.
Things that sucked:
1) Matt and Jessie and Lowren and Ted and Nate and etc. couldn’t come.
That’s pretty much it.
Pretty simple post.
Minority?
I feel so naive about life troubles. I haven’t had to deal with much death in my life. Only my great grandmothers have died while I’ve been alive. Them and my dog. I’ve never been hit or abused. I’ve never been without food or heat. I’ve never really had any struggles in my life. The only things I’ve had to overcome have been my own mental problems. I always feel pathetic next to people who have actually been through shit and gotten through it. Granted, my recent marriage/divorce hasn’t been a walk on the beach with a full moon. But it’s still nothing when compared.
Unreal
It’s 2:20 am. I have a test tomorrow, but I didn’t want to go to sleep, or rather i couldn’t fall asleep, until I let it be known that Valeri is simply the best thing that could have happened to me. I’ve always had low self-esteem, but she’s already helped me with that. I realize that I can’t truly love someone until I love myself. I’m almost there. As soon as I accept myself, I can be sure that I won’t push her away. I already know that we’re getting there. When that happens, I can guess how life will play out. She’s so right for me, it’s scary.
